remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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