There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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