420 ftw
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
