I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
