I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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