I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
