Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
