Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.

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(516): View more from New York

he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.

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(281): View more from Texas

Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.

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(404): View more from Georgia

He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.

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(459): View more from

I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"

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