I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
her facebook's as public as her vagina
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
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How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
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HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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