it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
