did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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