I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
