Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
