One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
