Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
