Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
