I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
