who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My feet surprised me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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