I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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