I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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