so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
