question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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