he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
