I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
