it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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