Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
sex in a hospital.. check
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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