I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
