first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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