no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
