nut hugger
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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