Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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