This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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