So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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