does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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