she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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