Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
