Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
