dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
