You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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