alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
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