K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
