You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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