i can't believe i had my finger in that
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
