As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
