Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
