i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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