I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
