not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
