I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
