Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
