Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
