it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
