I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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