If that was your dad, he is hot
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
