Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
