nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
