I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My pussy is not your playground.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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