Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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