id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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