I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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