Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We need a shit load of segways right now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
