i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
