I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
