dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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