i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
