I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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