I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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