there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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