i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
