whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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