Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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