I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
