My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
