i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
