so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
