I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
