that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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