i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
