hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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