Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
