so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
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You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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