you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
