shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
