my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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