Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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