Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
God, I missed his penis.
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