we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
