I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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