summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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