I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
