I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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