i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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