I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
