Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
