I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
