I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
