Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
