You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
