There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
