Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
